Breakups 101

Breakups are difficult. They’re hard, always. Even if you’re no longer invested in the relationship they suck, only because your brain does this stupid thing where it reminds you of the good moments in an overall unsatisfactory relationship. Makes it all rosy.

Dear readers, this isn’t just speculation. This isn’t something I picked up from crappy romance novels. It isn’t even something I picked up from GOOD romance novels.

No. I, unfortunately, speak from experience. So, let’s go through it, shall we?

You’re in a relationship. Whether you like it or not, something has happened that makes you no longer want to be in said relationship. Perhaps your significant other cheated. Perhaps he/she wasn’t putting anything into the relationship. Perhaps he/she is just an asshole.

Whatever the reason, whatever the circumstance, you finally reach that point where you and that other person are no longer together. Officially. And, that’s where it begins. The memories. The ironic, sad songs that pop up on the radio. The vignettes that pass through your mind of times in which you were happy with that person. You start to wonder what that person is doing. Why you ever wanted to leave. And, you, in the really bad moments, end up like this:

It sucks. It’s normal. It sucks that it’s normal. And all you can do is find ways to cope.

Now, people use several different tactics to get over their exes. For example,

- Some become serial daters.

Not like that, idiot...

- Some take a more...organized approach.

Found this online right after my breakup. Seemed rather perfect.

- Some go out a lot. Like all the time. Like they’re rarely home.

- Some become intoxicated and do the ever-frowned-upon drunk-texting of the ex.

These are just a few options. Personally, after my last breakup, I started spending a lot more time with my friends. But, I’m going to let you in on a secret. No way of coping is best. Nor is any way particularly right. And, it’s all in the moment. Hell, you may even find that you went through the worst of the breakup before it happened, and feel like this when it does:

His eyes are crossed in joy, I'm assuming.

The point is, there’s no benefit to staying in a relationship that doesn’t leave you feeling happy at least 95.2% of the time.

And, if you're iffy, just ask: What would Expressive Kitty do?

In order to make my point very clear, I have devised an example list of things that may happen, and the appropriate, Kitty-backed responses:

Scenario 1: 

You tell your significant other something intensely personal and he/she indicates that he/she is not interested.

How To Respond: (which I obtained from one of my best, sassiest friends): Uh. Bye to him (or, you know, her, if this advice is to be universal.)

Scenario 2: 

You experience an insecure-avoidant attachment with your significant other, in which you feel anxious about the relationship when you’re not with him/her, and you still feel insecure when physically with him/her.

How To Respond: Go find someone who will take the time to make you feel worthwhile.

Scenario 3: 

You feel there’s something inherently wrong with you, and your significant other agrees. 

How To Respond:

Credit for this image goes to The Oatmeal!

Scenario 4: 

Your significant other has never called you beautiful/handsome/gorgeous.

How To Respond: What the actual fuck. You’re ADORABLE. Dump that asshat.

Scenario 5: 

Your significant other is a priority while you’re just a convenience.

How To Respond: Go be someone better's priority.

Scenario 6 (and my favorite):

Your significant other tells you he/she 'has no emotions.'

How To Respond: You are either dating a sociopath or a child. Get. Out. Now.

I could continue this list forever. It wouldn’t be difficult. Alas, everyone has unique circumstances. The best, final, and most important piece of advice I can give you is:

Get out of the relationship if your significant other doesn’t make you feel as special as Expressive Kitty feels every time he looks in a mirror.

And one thing to remember, that gave me the confidence to go through with my last breakup: