A Letter to Today's Elements

I would like to begin this post by saying that today was a pretty good day. My internship is awesome, my roommates are the sweetest, and my roommates’ cat actually let me pet her (!). However, there were some things that occurred early in the morning that led to this post. So, here we go.

It has not yet occurred to the Great Letter Writer that he cannot reach the page. 

Dear Massive Friday Morning Snowstorm,

            WHAT IN MOOSE’S NAME ARE YOU DOING!? Listen, I don’t know where you think you are, but in this city winter is OVER. Winter is NOT coming. It is GOING. In fact, it’s gone. Yet, here you are squeezing snow out of the clouds so you can get one last laugh in the season. I do not appreciate it and your behavior will not be tolerated.

I have to take a step back here and say that I’m not a snow-hater. Snow is fine (in the Winter.) It’s great when it’s right around Christmas and candy canes and hot chocolate are easily accessible. But, you had ALL OF DECEMBER AND FEBRUARY to strut your stuff, yet you choose to do this in March!? That, my friend, is downright rude.

SEE!? Completely unprofessional. 

I went for a nice morning run today – early morning. A little snow wasn’t going to stop me from getting in my exercise! The problem was, YOU DEFINITELY TRIED! Don’t deny it. Forty minutes into my run, you decided to add high winds and sleet to the mix. By the end, I was looking like this:

The fact that you think you can just waltz into March and toss your icy dandruff on everyone is unacceptable. I’m writing to Mother Nature. Good luck trying to explain this one to her.

Good day,

Me

Oh, but this is just the beginning.

Dear Sellers of “Waterproof “ Boots,

            If my socks are drenched by the time I finish my half-hour walk to work, THE BOOTS ARE NOT 100% WATERPROOF. 

Your lies forced me to walk around work barefoot for three hours. Yes, it was fun, but still quite unnecessary.

Sincerely,

Me

And then there’s the:

Dear People Walking on the Sidewalk,

            LOOK THE HECK UP. Listen, I know it’s snowing. I know we all have lives to attend to. And perhaps the thing you’re studying on your phone is really that interesting. It is not, however, as interesting as the little white girl barreling down the sidewalk, about to impale you with the handle of her red umbrella.

Hey, I'd want to know if that was about to happen to me...

Sincerely,

Me

Okay, okay. Last one, then it will be pretty much out of my system.

Dear Guy on Bicycle Who I Had to Walk Behind for a Block,

            If you really ride your bike that slowly, I have a small piece of advice. Sell it.

Made doubly sad by the fact that Expressive Kitty doesn't have the capacity to run...

Best,

Me