Catching Up: The Sickness...

Welp, I’m on Spring Break, which means I finally have time to catch my dedicated readers (all two of you!) up on what has been going on.

So, where to begin? Well, I suppose I shall start at the beginning: The Sickness.

Picture this: It was a Saturday evening. Our brave heroine steps out of her workplace into the brisk

5 o’clock air. She’d just downed a cup of green tea and felt…tired. Drained. Like the children at work siphoned out her energy with their grabby little hands. Her stomach growled as she strode across the street, dodging a stroller. Then a lingering dog on a leash. She’d be okay. Being tired wasn’t new and her only day off was the next day. She was going to go for a run, then go home and watch a movie. Turn off her alarm. Sleep all day Sunday. She had finished all of her homework earlier in anticipation of that day. The day she looked forward to all week. The day she was able to relax.

Once she stepped into her parents’ apartment building, she had found a new source of energy, spurring her forward in anticipation of the exercise ahead. She stripped out of her work clothes, pulled on her crinkled black gym shorts and an old black t-shirt, and, finally, stepped on the treadmill. Everything went downhill from there. 

Yeah, sure. THAT'S why...

I shouldn’t get into the fine details. Let’s just say, the pasta with the tomato sauce and chicken I ate for dinner made an encore appearance all over my bathroom floor at 11 pm (for some reason, whenever I hurl, I always miss the key places with drains.)

So, it’s almost midnight. I have a roommate and her daughter asleep in the next room. And I can barely stand. What should I do? Well, obviously I should be independent. Sit for a while, then go clean up my bathroom floor before either roommate wakes up and decides she needs to use the bathroom. That’s what an adult would do.

Obviously. 

What do I do? I call my dad, who came over at midnight, cleaned up the entire bathroom floor, and stayed until 2AM reading Confederates in the Attic to me out loud.

I threw up five times in two days. I spend the rest of the week lying on an air mattress on my parents’ floor, too weak to order my dog to stop sleeping on my feet.

Why me, indeed? 

What have I learned from this experience, you ask?

1.  When I’m sick, I’m more useless than usual.

2.  Throwing up doesn’t get any better as you get older.

3.  Cats are very unsympathetic to the sick.

4. Dogs are a little too sympathetic to the sick.

5. Never, never throw up a week’s worth of food and try to stand afterwards (you’ll just end up falling over.)

6.  Food is good. Not being able to eat it is bad.

7. Living on crackers and bananas doesn’t cut it.

8.  Chocolate is a necessity for all days of living

9.   Always throw up into SOMETHING. Not all over the bathroom floor.

10. The Lorax is a funny movie, even when you’re sick.