A Breakthrough in Modern Medicine: Cat-Scans

So my poor roommate recently came down with the worse case of sickness ever. Namely, she has been sick for a while and does not know exactly what it is. She first came down with something of a cold. Then was diagnosed with strep throat. She finally started feeling better before a day where she woke up, went to work, and proceeded to throw up until 4 pm. Not a fun feeling.

Expressive Kitty is not pleased. 

And, I’m not going to lie. There are definitely times where my body is off in some way or another and I have no clue what’s going on. Am I getting sick? Am I fighting something off? Is my immune system being successful? Am I radioactive?

SEE!? You never know. 

These types of mystery sicknesses are exactly what’s wrong with households today. People get sick and sometimes they don’t have time to go to the doctor. Or perhaps they do go to the doctor and the doctor is not quite sure what’s wrong with them.

And he can play one on TV!

Maybe something goes wrong with the equipment, or a person’s symptoms closely mimic those of another sickness and the person is misdiagnosed?

It's always the feet with him. 

Modern medicine does not seem to be enough. People require faster results. More accurate diagnoses. Exact treatments at a speed that will match their fast-paced lives. So, naturally I combined this need with my opinion of my roommate’s cat to create the perfect solution: cat-scans. Let me explain…

No chart. Not today.

I love my roommate’s cat to pieces (despite how she may feel about me.) And I sit around crooning to her, petting her, feeding her, and carrying her into my room, at which point she digs her nails into my arm and runs out (she’s scared of my ceiling fan.) But, let’s face it, the cute factor only gets her so far. She’s kind of useless. SO, think about it: what if cats were able to diagnose?

Oh hush, pessimist. 

IT WILL BE CALLED THE CAT-SCAN AND IT WILL BE LEGENDARY. Just take your furry feline to the vet for a simple procedure to put a magical chip in their brain. Then, attach the electronic collar of legend around their neck (think the dog collars from ‘UP’) and proceed to have them diagnose you at your earliest convenience. It’s incredible! It’s legendary! Here’s Expressive Kitty modeling this latest medical trend (now available in the fun color of purple!):

If You Have Mono:

Hey, it's not my fault you don't have a neck...

If You Have Strep Throat

Okay, maybe the recommendations are a little extreme...

If You have the Common Cold

Perhaps a little too extreme... 

If You Are Perfectly Healthy

Stupid machine. 

… I’m still working out the kinks. 

KALE UPDATE: IT HAS BEEN PROVEN THAT KALE CAUSES STIFF NECKS! One of my really good friends ate kale last week. A couple of days after, she woke up with a stiff neck. Coincidence?? I think not. 

That is all.